EP16: From Stuck to Unleashed: The Power of Authenticity
Culture is an Inside Job: The podcast on building an authentic, engaging, and Inspiring culture.
Episode 16:
Dive into the transformative power of embracing your authentic voice, fostering self-awareness, and building an inspiring work culture. Hosts Karen Benoy Preston, Wendy Roop, and Scott McGohan share personal stories and insights, discussing the importance of vulnerability, overcoming "stuckness", and navigating leadership transitions. Join them in discovering the keys to unmasking true authenticity and creating positive change in both personal and professional realms.
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Wendy: wendyroopcoaching@gmail.com
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Scott: psmcgohan@mcgohanbrabender.com
Full Transcription
Karen
00:01 The value of the authentic voice is the place of truth. There's no fear in authenticity. So when we can have that voice, we think differently. There's nothing in our way.
Wendy
00:15 Welcome to Culture is an Inside Job, the podcast on building an authentic, engaging and inspiring culture. We believe that building a healthy work culture starts with leaders like you. If you're ready to get real and dig deep into your own self-awareness, determine how you want to show up in the world, then this podcast is for you. Now let's go inside. This is episode 16, believe it or not and today we're going to dive into a little bit more about our why as a podcast team for Culture is an Inside Job and maybe to talk a little bit about who this is for, and Scott's going to lead us through that today. So I'm going to kick it over to you, scott.
Scott
Host 01:07 Well, I'm going to try right, I'll do my best, but I think as a team of three people Karen, Wendy and I is really at the crux of it. How can we be useful to other people and helpful? And we spent the last hour just kind of unpacking and talking about who would we be speaking to and why it matters and who we're maybe curious about getting in touch with and connecting people to and all this live in our what's that which we should have recorded 100%.
Wendy
Host 01:42 It was good.
Scott
Host 01:43 It was so rich. When we were finished it was like gosh. That would have been really cool, because I think what I appreciate about each of you is there's no question that you deeply care about other people. It's also very compelling the fact that you have competence, traits and tools that can be so useful to people, and without the tools it's really hard to grow, because if not, then every problem looks like a nail and every solution is a hammer. That's what I grew up with in my life, so I might just maybe I'll start with Wendy, and so if I think about, this is episode 16. So we've had 15 episodes. We were really young in this game never done one before and now we're on episode 16. So if we had to maybe look forward and say why is this important? Why is this work important to Wendy?
Wendy
Host 02:42 Thanks, scott. First of all, this has been a fun journey so far this with all of us and everything that we've been stepping into and, as I say, do it afraid right. Even if we're doing, we're like we're doing it. And for me, you know, I just want to, like, make sure that I can leave an impact in the world, and the only way that I need to know to do that is to lean into the gifts and talents that I've been given, and for me, those are God given talents, you know, around helping people to really be able to see and understand the value that they have, the value that they offer the world, and with the work that we're doing together. 03:39 When we talk about culture, it's having a deeper understanding about themselves, because I feel like people won't be able to really see their value or understand their value until they take that deeper dive within themselves. How are they showing up? How do they respond to their circumstances? And then, you know, we talk about what holds them back and when they can do that, because most people, I think, want to do good in the world, right, and they want to make a bigger impact on other people, and I know this from personal experience too. How can we do that really in the way that we want to if we don't, first and foremost, do that for ourselves? So I think that's you know my deeper why, and all of the work that I do is really to help people see that and be able to show up as their authentic self.
Scott
Host 04:39 So if you had to put, if I had to ask you for this is a tricky question but if I had to ask you, what's the one moment in your life that shifted Wendy's mindset to who she was, to who she is today? That makes this work important. Who makes this work important to you?
Wendy
Host 04:56 Oh, Scott, you go big, don't you? That's a good one. Yeah, it is, and I would say I've shared this on the podcast before. I would say that it is when my kids and I lost their dad to suicide, and you know, it was just. I had a choice in that moment when that happened, I made the choice of I wanted to show up for my kids in the way that they deserved. In order for me to do that, it became very apparent very fast that I needed to be bold and brave and step into my own authenticity. At the same time, the whole thing I just talked about, about my why, became even bigger, Just seeing how broken all of us are, but how there are just some people that haven't had the opportunity to take that look inward and to be able to really truly make a bigger impact in their own lives and see the value of who they are. Unfortunately, we lost someone because of that. I'd say that was the moment.
Scott
Host 06:21 Well, we were around you when that happened. I think one of the things about that what happened to you and I see where you are today is, I think it's almost like I'm in this valley and I'm at the bottom. Over the past several, several years, I've watched you climb this mountain. I love about you today is like and I think this is right, I could be wrong, but you'll never get to the top. I'm never going to say I arrived. If you do, I'm going to buy you a helmet because that's going to hurt. But here's the beautiful thing about Wendy, and I think why your work is so important is because you can look down that mountain and look down into that valley and you can say I've been there and the pain and the hurt and all the stuff that came about all of that. 07:21 Then today you can talk about all that pain in a really beautiful, compelling way to help other people just say hey look, that's available. It's not easy. It's certainly not easy.
Wendy
Host 07:32 Yeah, I think the thing I'd like to add to that, scott, is what you said is so true, and that it is never. We're never done, and if we are, we must be really done, but it is a journey. It is a journey. We don't just figure it all out and then, like you said, we're done. It is just a constant journey because every single one of us have our own operating system, as I like to call it. When things happen in our life, it's hard to shift that, it's hard to break that. Again, it comes back to choice. That choice is honestly a choice every single day.
Scott
Host 08:18 Yeah, yeah, okay, Karen, you are next. I think of Karen, and this is Episode 16. We've learned a lot about each other along the way, as you're sitting there in your chair, but there's beautiful headphones on, so why is Karen here?
Karen
Host 08:41 Did you send me these headphones?
Scott
Host 08:43 I did.
Karen
Host 08:44 I did.
Scott
Host 08:45 Maybe I did. Yeah, I think they match.
Karen
Host 08:48 Actually, I think you sent me the microphone, maybe, and I think I bought the headphones. But yeah, I'm here because Wendy and I stumbled upon one another in such a really amazing moment and it has a lot to do with death, but that's. That was just the start of that relationship and partnership. And the minute that she mentioned you, scott, it was just a no-brainer that three heads are better than one, that your experience, your trauma, our trauma, no matter what, it's all different, thank you. But it still hits us at that same space, deep down inside that to be able to bring that into everyone else's Realm, to be able to understand that we're no different in that way that we all have our own experiences that bring us down Into that valley. We all have a conscious choice to figure out how we're going to climb up.
Scott
Host 10:26 I've known you for not a long time, but enough time, and I've never seen you in this spot you're in right now. Where's that coming from?
Karen
Host 10:42 What's the spot? Describe that for me, what you see.
Scott
Host 10:44 Just emotional. Your shoulders are sunk. You feel like you're just like open and just unbelievably just vulnerable. And where's that coming from?
Karen
Host 11:01 Well, a safe place that you guys have provided first of all, but this is my biggest fear, I cannot be this vulnerable. I cannot show up weak because that's the story I tell myself where I'm not good enough. And so, until we can recognize that there's something beautiful in that space and recognize that that's part of that healing, the willingness to go that deep, the willingness to be that vulnerable it doesn't mean weakness, right, it's like Brené Brown would say it's that courage of being able to get into the arena instead of sitting in the cheap seats.
Scott
Host 11:54 Yeah, I think if I had to pick two carats and the one I knew yesterday and the one that I see right now I'll pick the one I see right now a thousand times. Yeah, and thanks for being so vulnerable about that too, because you're a beautiful person, beautifully made, and I think one of the things, even for all three of us, is, I mean, I grew up in a world where I had to understand group insurance. Can you imagine, like, shoot me now who wants to learn about that today? I don't even think there's a podcast on group insurance, and if there is, well, maybe in an audience of one. Well, it's brought us together too. Yeah, it's true.
Karen
Host 12:37 We all have that experience.
Scott
Host 12:41 But what I do know is that all of us grew up in maybe a career mindset and we had to grow our knowledge, maybe industry facts right, how do I get my job done? But I don't think any of us. At least for me, I wasn't taught any of this in school. I wasn't taught any of this really anywhere, and I certainly I didn't. I didn't learn it from my parents, I didn't learn it from my friends. It wasn't like anybody was hiding anything either. It just it just wasn't available. And then we had to pull off all these big, huge efforts all by ourselves, with wire cutters and a screwdriver and like good luck for a lot of us. And then I see the two of you and every time I get on the podcast with you, like the tools that you guys get to reach into are just incredible. I'm like where did that tool come from? 13:41 Give me some of that, so I'm blessed by both of you.
Wendy
Host 13:46 You too, Scott, like we're so thankful, like Karen said, like you just bring such a like the wisdom and the experience in the room from the perspective again of just you know, leading a great company and your life experiences, and we so appreciate that. So tell us more about your why.
Scott
Host 14:11 You know, I grew up and it's actually and a lot of the stories are in the book Cultures and Inside Job, so it's all around, like you know, and I had a number of moments but, like Karen, I grew up most of my life thinking that there was no way I was good enough for anybody, not good enough for you know, like even playing sports when I was a kid, I was never picked first, but I wasn't picked last, but I wasn't, you know, I wasn't certainly in the top. 14:41 I wasn't a good athlete, I'm dyslexic. So school was really hard for me. And then I got into this career and then if I sold a lot, that was high performance. So that told me that like hey, now I know how to perform. And then I had this really warped sense of self-worth, equal to performance, plus the opinions of other people. So for most of my life your opinion of me meant more than my own opinion of myself and that brought me to, I mean, a place where I just didn't wanna live anymore. 15:19 And then, so then I got to lean in. You know, to who is this eight year old little boy that used to sit in a tree house and used to like to write poetry and spend time by himself. Like when did I lose that kid? And I got to go. You know, I got to go back and meet him and it was like, hey, like last time I checked, like I liked you, when we were in this tree house, so what happened between age eight and 42? 15:48 And we talked about this before, as we cannot go forward unless we're willing to go back. And Wendy, you shared it, karen, you shared it. And going back sucks, it's not easy and it's hard and it's riveted with truth. We're brave enough to look at it and then you could go back and you get to take that little eight year old little boy by the hand and then you get to walk off into the future and create a beautiful life where you're brave, and you get to look yourself in the mirror and all of that. 16:24 So to answer your question because I'm taking a long time to answer it, I don't think I'm alone. I know I'm not alone and I bet there's a lot of people out there that when they were eight or nine years old and they had these little dreams as little boys and little girls, and then you know society robbed them of that, the lies robbed them of that, and at 42, I was able to raise my hand and say I wanna go back and I wanna meet that little boy again. And now I'm 58. And I wouldn't change anything in my life today, nothing. And I've done some bad stuff. I almost said a cuss word, but I've done some bad stuff and some stuff I'm not I'm embarrassed of, but I will use my past not to torture myself, but to be useful to other people, and if I can be useful to other people, then that's why I'm here, so, and I love it.
Wendy
Host 17:24 I love that you share that and of course we always talk about, we appreciate your vulnerability too, and just sharing your stories, the two things that I heard you say and two words I wanna bring up are or maybe three words, inner child, right, and then remember. And so the inner child piece is exactly what you're talking about. As adults, we forget that that eight-year-old boy, that eight-year-old girl is still within us. And so while there was for some of us right, for some people there's could be traumatic childhoods, others not so much. But there's all kinds of stories and it's leaning back into when we can remember, like the joy and the fun, and allow ourselves to bring that up and checking in with. What does that? I think Karen had talked what does that little Wendy need, right, what does that little Karen, little Scott, need? And then the other thing is remember. 18:36 And the reason I say this is what you were saying, scott, about looking back is I don't know about you all, but I'm constantly thinking about all the things that I haven't done, all the things that I need to do, all the things that I've done wrong, whatever it is, and I don't remember enough. 18:53 Remember the things that I have gotten through, I mean even the story that I just shared, the very brief version of it. Sometimes I have to remember that I actually got through that and I'm still going through that. And then all the things that I have accomplished and I think that's what I would hope for our listeners to is remembering who they are, who they truly are, remembering all they have been, all they have accomplished, versus all that they haven't and they're beating themselves up for. And I think this is that opportunity to pause and, as I say, give ourselves space and grace, because we don't do that enough. And it's such a gift to be able to do that with all of you and this team, and it's such a gift to be able to do this for anybody who wants to listen, because there is impact and it can be life-changing. So I just want to thank the two of you, too, for just who you are and what you bring.
Scott
Host 20:02 You know, I think you kind of said a couple of things. So you ever been to a dog race, a dog track? I don't know if I have Okay so it's Greyhounds and they let them go. They chase this thing on the side of the track that's motorized and they call it Sparky. And here's the issue is if you play life in the rat race, you have to understand the Greyhounds. They never catch Sparky. 20:32 Now they think one day they're gonna catch them but, you never catch Sparky, and if you run that fast you're never gonna catch them, and then life gets really blurry. And which makes your past blurry, and I was just thinking about this. Remember when, growing up, when Frosty and Rudolph came on TV.
Karen
Host 20:52 Now.
Scott
Host 20:52 I'm going back before VCRs before streaming before.
Karen
Host 20:56 The big tube I love those shows.
Scott
Host 21:00 But the world stopped Like it was Friday.
Wendy
Host 21:04 Or Saturday morning cartoons oh 100% the underdog.
Karen
Host 21:09 Yeah.
Scott
Host 21:09 So all that good stuff, so it's just, yeah, and I'm sure maybe as we get older we reflect a lot more than when we were younger, but I think for a listener, especially those that are younger, what a gift to embrace this today. And, like what you said kind of earlier along was just finding your authentic voice. How do I find that? Yeah, and I do think Wendy and Karen like bring that to life in really cool ways.
Wendy
Host 21:40 So if we were to just again get even more clear about who we're talking to, right, and meaning, just like you said, those who this is important to all of us, right that we are able to find our authentic voice and to be able to use that to make a difference in the world and we know there are people listening, that that's what they want. They want to show up authentically so they can make a bigger difference, et cetera. What else, like what else do you think people are looking for that might be listening to this? Scott, you wrote down some of those things too. What comes up for you?
Scott
Host 22:23 I think it's the people that just believe that maybe they're stuck, or like what Karen said, I'm unheard. Now I will tell you, believing that is safe Cause I get to use excuses and all these things, it's just safe. But being brave to say wait a minute, maybe there's something new, better and different in my life. That takes courage and like what Karen said and that when we were talking earlier, that's fearful and I love when she said fear and truth dance together and fear and truth cannot exist.
23:05 It's either one or the other, and so maybe even for a listener it would be around. I'm an insider in an organization. I'm not happy. The big question is what would life look like differently? What would you have to do? And then you need to marry that up against who are you today? Like? What you don't wanna do is be an imposter and then make an imposter sandwich, like stack one imposter on top of another those are called masks and then we wear them like crazy. We have one for home, one in our car, one at church, one at golf course, one in a bar. I mean all that stuff. And it's deep, hard, compelling work. So and I love when you talk about that a lot, karen, I just think it's really cool what about you, karen?
Karen
Host 24:00 Yeah, I see the value of the authentic voice is the place of truth, right? There's no fear in authenticity. So when we can have that voice, we think differently. There's nothing in our way. We can be more strategic. I think there's probably quite a few listeners out here. 24:25 When you talked about the word stuck, scott, like stuck for them might be that they believe that they are ready for a new journey. 24:36 They may be ready for that next step, that next role, but that not feeling confident enough in that voice that they've got to show up with their mask, that they can't see that being authentic is actually the way to get to that next step and that if they were to take off the mask and be authentic, they would get the data that they'd know If they were aligned or not in that role in the first place, and that that data is what allows them to know what's next and forming us instantly. If I'm not, if I'm taking my mask off and I'm being me and there's effortlessness in that and nobody can accept me in this place, I need that data. But as long as I'm wearing a mask, nobody gets to see me in my warts. They can't appreciate me for who I am. It's a, it's a huge effort to wear a mask and I'm missing out on that data, to know how aligned I am and how aligned they are with me.
Wendy
Host 25:50 Yeah, and in what you're saying, karen, right, that, as we know, all three of us know it takes work, like taking off this map or really even being willing to see the mask and what's behind the mask, and so there may be some people who aren't willing to go there, and no judgment, right, and this podcast may not be for you. But if you, if you just like again feel that stuckness or know that there's more behind the mask and you're willing to be open and you're willing to be vulnerable, then, yeah, come on in with us, like, just you know, step into the opportunity to just learn more, and about yourself first, and then you can worry about everybody else later.
Scott
Host 26:41 Yeah, I was just looking at. In chapter two there's this spot where it says let's go inside. So one of the examples that I used in there was around. Think of the words of affirmation that we desire to get or to have to have others tell us and we're fighting for that relentlessly. That's, you know, that's self worth, maybe in a destructive way. That's what we're fighting for. 27:11 But imagine if you made a list of like three words that you wish people would say about you. And imagine, instead of like wanting those, what if you just gave this away to others? What if you just started giving away to other people the same hopes and aspiration of the words that you hoped would come back towards you? And there's something uncanny around giving that away in an authentic way. So if you saw trust in amazing ways. Trust is hard to define, but you know, when you see it and for some uncanny, strange reason, sometimes you can find the beauty in that and instead of maybe hearing it, you get to repeat it and you get that that. Does that make sense, that feeling of that? But you're right for both of you, as you guys work with a number of people and I'd love to be like a fly on the wall when, like your first meeting, as you're like this self discovery surgeon, right Digging down in the droves of the humanity of their souls.
Karen
Host 28:18 Oh yeah, we have to do definitely some excavation to get down to that sometimes.
Scott
Host 28:23 Yeah, I just think that would be really cool.
Karen
Host 28:25 Like a jackhammer, oh goodness. So I have a question for you. What is it costing, what is the cost of that effort to keep wearing the mask and staying stuck? What might that cost be to do the work to take the mask off, and then what will the benefit be of not having a mask at all?
Wendy
Host 28:58 I think that's a great way to wrap up this episode.
Scott
Host 29:01 Yeah, I agree.
Karen
Host 29:05 Opportunity to go inside right.
Scott
Host 29:08 Yeah, jackpot.
Wendy
Host 29:11 All right. Well, you heard it those who do the work and do the learning, as my friends at Aileron say. So we'll see you next time.
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